Serenity Now!!!

So I've always felt that I'm a fairly calm person.

I'm pretty patient.

I like to think I gots some skillz in seeing the good in things.

A "glass half full" kinda girl.

I'm pretty relaxed and

it takes quite a bit to get me riled up.

Even during the holiday season when I'm surrounded

by "button pushers"

like this:

No biggie.

It's like a puzzle.

And this one:

Piece of cake.

It's like meeting new friends.

And this:?

It's not as scary as it looks.

Makes ya feel alive!!

And I never worry about this one:


I mean, it's not like I ate the entire plate of cookies and fudge.

And sure...this:

may be what's happened to Christmas.

But I don't sweat it.

Even with all the commercialism crap

that gets shoved down their throats,

I feel like my kids have a pretty good

grasp on the reason we celebrate.

So despite all the craziness of shopping, wrapping, cooking,

preparing and planning that went into the big day,

when I saw the pure joy and the genuine surprise on

my kid's faces when they got

that certain item they were wishing for....

it was all entirely worth it.

It was lovely.

.

.

.

.

And then came these:

The genius who thought of these is an agent of the devil himself.

If I ever meet this evil Einstein,

I will shove a silicone packet down his throat and then

I will strangle him with a plastic twist tie.

Next, I will screw his buttocks to a piece of cardboard

and then I will shove him into hard plastic and

seal it up so tightly that no amount of

pulling, twisting or saying of bad swears

will undo his situation.

I want one of these:

This, surely was created by some heavenly being....

or a fed up parent of an impatient child.

Either way, he is my new hero.





Look at it. It's like some sort of magic.

Hope you had a relaxing Christmas.

shiny, happy people.

Don't we all just look merry and bright?
Greg just loves this tradition.

Seriously?!?

It's annoying that she looks this good days before birth anyway...







But then she goes and looks like this a mere six weeks later.





That's 41 days people.
I'm still wearing maternity pants 41 days later.
If I wasn't so obsessed with her.... I would hate her.

HO! HO! Hmmmm!!

Dear Santa,

I've been thinking.
You're getting the better end of this deal.
I do all of the work and you get all of the credit.
I say, next year...we switch.

You can spend December running all over town trying to find the best deals on the best gifts.
It's always easy finding parking spots and dealing with grumpy sales girls.
Don't worry,shipping and handling doesn't add up to very much.
Putting lights and decorations up is fast. It only takes a few days.
And then just a few short weeks later, you get to take them all down again.
It's a ball.
You'll love wrapping presents.
Don't sweat it, there's no stress.

I will spend December starring in t.v. movies and specials.
I'll make all of the appearances at parades and parties.
I'll eat cookies and drink hot cocoa.
It will finally be acceptable when my body parts jiggle.
And then I'll take a year long vacation before I have to make another appearance.
I'm feeling jolly just thinking about it.
I think it's a great plan.
So? Whad'ya say?

XO,

p.s. will you please tell your mall "helpers" to stop promising things like ponies.