What I'm Doing Matters.

Saturday was nice.

I sat in the warm sun watching children kick a soccer ball and laugh and play.
We worked in the yard and made it look beautiful.

I planted flowers.

I went to bed exhausted from a hard day of work and sunshine.

Listened to a lovely talk in church on Sunday

and then visited with family on a deliciously warm April evening.

And I watched this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8K9s7_k3TM&feature=player_embedded

I'm sorta important.

I feel motivated.

In some countries, P.J.'s are considered work attire.

This is me.
I don't usually look like this.
Usually I am active and bubbly and happy to be here.
I am in a funk!
I don't know if it's been the late winter weather, my allergies
*I want to scratch my eyeballs out of my head*,
stress, or if my jammies are simply much too comfortable.
Whatever the reason, I just can't quite get it together.
My brain knows the game plan. My body has it's jersey on.
And my spirit's got the pom poms out and ready.
They're just not all being team players together.
They've all dropped the ball.
I have so many responsiblities and obligations that need to be met every day.
I know, without doubt that my greatest opportunity for growth is to be wife to Greg and mother to 5 beautiful children. I know that.
but there are days when I just wish I could go and hide in the corner for awhile.
That sounds so selfish and childish but sometimes it feels so much bigger than me.
It's just too much.
I just want to lay on my couch. I just know that Ryan Seacrest and his American Idols will make all of those bills get paid and the laundry will disappear if I'm too busy looking up meaningless nonsense on the internet....right? If I watch the Food Network, won't dinner magically appear?
It doesn't help that my husband is beginning to resemble "The Rock" since
he's been doing P90X.
I am looking a little less solid.
I just want all the yucky stuff to go away.
Of course, I am very aware that the Fairy Godmothers of the world are all on vacation in the Bahamas and I am on my own.
I know as women, and as mothers we expect ourselves to be 'Super-women'.
These amazing over-acheivers who can keep a perfect home, attend all field trips and PTA meetings, serve everyone, make gourmet meals and look fantastic.
It's just not realistic.
From the time I was young, I have always been concerned with how people perceive me.
I want people to like me and think I'm a good person.
I don't want anyone to think that I'm not good enough. That I don't do enough.
I guess over the years I have learned that it doesn't really matter what people think I am like,
it's what I knowI am like.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I normal?

I know I do nothing but gush over my amazing husband on this blog
but yeah...he's somethin else. He has expertly walked the tightrope of letting me be a tantrum throwing 6 year old and encouraging me to be the woman we both know I can be.
He is a complete partner in every sense of the definition.

As a kid, if we were being lazy my dad would say to us, "Engage Maverick".
I just need to "engage" again.
So this morning, I deleted all my shows off the DVR.
I made homemade banana bread.
and I mated the two baskets of socks that have been sitting there for weeks.
(another reason to love summer.....flip flops)
Maybe I'll go get a spray on tan, because everyone knows that celulite looks better tanned. Right?
little steps.

p.s. I'm really okay.

Lost in Translation

Ethan: "Mom, can I watch the "furnace creatures"?

I of course, had no idea what movie he was talking about.

Me: "What movie is that"?

Ethan: "You know, it has a game on it."

I still did not know what he was talking about. I told him to go find the movie he wanted.

He came back with 12 movies ranging from

Tom and Jerry to Barbie Fairytopia (don't tell Greg).

I asked him which one and he said,

"any of them, I just want to watch the 'furnace creatures'."

Still clueless.

So I picked "Finding Nemo".

He seemed excited.

"Yeah, that's a good "furnace creatures".

-whatever kid-

I started the movie and he got upset. He didn't want the movie,

he wanted the "furnace creatures".

after about 5 minutes I finally realized he wanted to watch the

"bonus features".

Obviously, I'm not as fluent in 'Ethanese' as I thought I was.